*** Just a warning: SPOILERS!!! *** I survived City of Heavenly Fire! And yet I’m so sad. I can’t stop crying and I feel completely lost. I don’t know what I feel. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m crying. I’m smiling. I’m lost. I’m completely destroyed. I could’t have wished for a better ending for The Mortal Instruments. And I wasn’t expecting this ending at all. I waited so damn long to read this book. So many days suffering, afraid of what was going to happen , panicking, seeing theories everywhere… I had bad feelings about everything and everyone. I was completely crazy! And so so afraid and desperate. Especially about Malec. I was so convinced that one of them was going to die. It was breaking me apart. So when I say that this book was nothing of what I was expecting it to be I say it with relieve. I’m not disappointed. I loved this book. I love specially that it had so meany different POVs. Focused in so many people. As usual there are amazing quotes and scenes so funny that I can’t stop laughing. And scenes so painful that I can’t stop crying. There was only one thing that I can think of that I wish it had been different. I wanted more Malec scenes!! But I’ll get there. Like I said, CoHF was not what I was expecting, it wasn’t as painful as I was ready (or not) prepared to be but I still sobbed so hard and my heart hurt so much in a lot of scenes. But there were moments that I laugh so hard to that I couldn’t breath. I’m terribly sad that this series is over. I know that it’s not a goodbye to this world, that we still have ahead of us a lot of feels, a lot of pain and a lot of new love in The Dark Artifices, The Last Hours and hopefully The Wicked Powers , and maybe all of this amazing TMI characters will make some appearances in them but I feel sad all the same. These characters and these books are part of me and will always be in my heart and I’m going to miss them terribly. There is so much I want to say about this book but I don’t even know here to start. I don’t know what to say. I have so many thoughts and so many feels. I think I’m going to start by talking but the character that really surprised me and that I love: Alec Lightwood. I always loved Alec but I never loved him as much as I did in this book. I’m really proud of him. In this book he was so different than his usual self. He was a better him.. If that even makes any sense. He was so badass and really sexy fighting and using his bow a lot. He killed Meliorn! Nice shoot Alec. I love that he finally opened up about who he is, that he is more confidant about himself, with no shame in being gay and admitting and standing up for who he loves. I can’t thank Cassandra enough for not ending Malec like I was expecting to happen. I couldn’t be more relieved and more happy that they are together and well. It still breaks my heart that Alec is going to die someday and Magnus will not but I’m trying not to think about it. I wished that had been more Malec moments. Alec and Magnus were apart basically the whole book and it was horrible. To me there weren’t nearly enough moments between them but all of the moments that we had were beautiful! Every kiss and every word… I love them so much. Alec and Magnus mean so much to me that I can’t even express what I feel. It was breaking my heart seeing them apart, seeing Magnus so sick and suffering. I didn’t liked Raphael much but when he died I felt for Magnus. When he asked Alec to name his Seraph blade “Raphael”… yeah it was really sad seeing Magnus suffering with another loose. And the pain in his eyes when he said his father name… ( I hate that son of a bitch)… by that time I was sobbing uncontrollably . I couldn’t bear the idea of losing Magnus. I couldn’t endure the thought of Magnus and Alec not being together. It was killing me. And then Simon volunteered. I had never been so relieved. And then in the roof when Alec seemed to be having second thoughts about being with Magnus it was like my world was sinking again. But they are together. They are together and it is so beautiful and I’m crying because I’m so happy and so sad at the same time and I love them so much! There’s a character that disappointed me a lot: Maia. I always thought that Maia was going to die in this book so when Sebastian killed Jordan it was a shock to me. I was not expecting it. Before that happens I thought that Maia was pregnant but no… when she told Bat that she was going to break up with Jordan I was so mad at her!! How could she?? Poor, poor Jordan.Although I think that she’ going to make a good Pack Leader and I’m really glad that she killed that annoying vampire child, Maureen, Maia really disappointed me. Now how is this?! I cried with Sebastian’s death. Ah! I never, ever thought that I could possible cry when he died but I did. Okay I cried not for Sebastian , a twisted, sick, delusional monster that Valentine created, but for Jonathan . A good boy with green eyes, a good son a and a good brother. I cried for the boy in Clary’s vision and the boy that died in his mother’s arms trying to make one good thing. I cried for Clary and I cried for Jocelyn and for the Shadowhunter that Jonathan could have been if not for his father. “Ave atque vale in perpetuum.” This was cruel Cassandra Clare. So cruel. It ripped my heart apart. Simon was different in this book. I always disliked him, tho in CoLS I realized that he wasn’t bothering me as much as he used to and I liked seeing him with Izzy. There were a lot of funny moments with Simon in this book. I liked the scene with Alec and I couldn’t stop laughing when Alec caught Simon and Izzy making out. Twice. “Straight people. Why can’t they control themselves?”ahaha. Anyway I wasn’t all that sad about losing his immortality. He never wanted to be a vampire anyway and I was to relieved about Magnus that I didn’t care but when the son of a bitch of Magnus’s father wanted Simon memories… that pissed me off and made me really sad. Mostly because of Clay and Izzy but still.. Once again Magnus was amazing. I’m not sure what to think about Simon Ascending but I’m glad to see them all together again. Jace, Jace, Jace … I’m so in love with him and so proud! He chose the Herondale name and I couldn’t be more happy. And Tessa gave him the family ring. James’s ring. Will’s ring. Jace and Clary are amazing together. They are more than boyfriend/girlfriend, they are a team, they are like one and they couldn’t be more perfect together. Their first time was beautiful. Perfect. Hot. I really like Clary as a true Shadowhunter. Now the other two thing that are the main source of my feel and all the pain besides Malec. Parabatai and Jem Carstairs. Oh god what I sobbed when Jem became Jem again. I’m crying right now just by thinking about it. There isn’t much I can say about it because the feeling that I have about Jem, Will and TDI can’t be put into words. I hurt for them all. I love Jem, I love Will and I miss him so much. It hurts. It always hurt so much thinking about them. Jem talking with Jace. Jem talking about Will. Jem talking about Parabatai. Jem and Tessa together again. Jem with Church. Tessa talking with Clary… This is all to much. To much feels and to much pain. “We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.” It hurts. It hurts so bad. So many Parabatai feels. It crushed my heart that Shadowhunter that had to kill his Parabatai and then killed himself… The pain that must have caused him to do it. I’m so sorry. Jace and Alec also had some good moments and I’m so happy for them. In the first books was like being Parabatai was not a big deal for them but I’m really glad that that changed and we got to see more of Jace and Alec together. Another Parabatai thing.. Robert Lightwood and Michael Wayland. I was not expecting that! I can’t forgive Robert for all he said to Alec and now I can’t forgive him for what he said and did to his Parabatai. I think that there is only one thing left that I didn’t mentioned yet.Emma Carstairs and the Blackthorn’s. I knew that they were going to have an important role in this book but I wasn’t expecting for them to appear so much nor to have so many POVs of Emma. I’m already in love with Julian. Poor boy. He’s been though so much and lost so much and he’s just a kid. Poor Julian. He’s amazing and sweet and good.. the was he protects his brothers and sisters… I love him. I like Emma too , I really do but there’s something that is really bothering me about her and I don’t like it. I love her relationship with Jules. They will be perfect Parabatai and they are going to make us suffer a lot but I’m mad at Emma for having second intentions and using their bound to stay in LA and find out what she need about her parents. I get it in a way but she should have told Jules. I like the idea of Jem and Tessa looking out for Emma and I hope that they will be a great part of TDA. I can’t wait to read those books finding all about the Blackthorn’s and more about about the Carstairs. I want to know what’s going to happen with Mark and Helen. I can’t wait to see more of the Warlock Malcom. The guy is crazy and so so funny!! The Epilogue did something weird to me. It was a beautiful happy moment but I couldn’t stop crying. I literally cried myself to sleep after I finished reading the book and I don’t even know exactly why. It was beautiful. So much love and friendship, but also really sad in a way. “Past and future colliding.” I feel like there’s so much left to say. I’m not ready to say goodbye especially not to Magnus and Alecand Jace . I survived City of Heavenly Fire. And now I don’t know what to do with my life.